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[icon] I am an AssholE when i'm SobeR
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Time:09:31 am
~it's christmas.
~i'm waiting for vicki to come to my house. ( i kinda stole her kitten so she would)
~this girl is 100% amazing in my eyes.
~things in the house is outta control.
~brutus is getting big.
~i got a part time job at d'angelo's.
~still working at ehop.
~can't wait for summer, it IS rite around the corner.
~my life is falling into place.
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Subject:so sick of the emergency room!
Time:11:55 pm
it's been a couple of days since the last post.
alot went down.
weds nite vicki and i went to the 3 for the busiest nite, that wasn't so busy. (18+ tho)
asked her to be my gf.
she accepted.
thanksgiving was unbelievable.
shannon, jaimz, jes and sam made this the best turkey day EVER.
thanksgiving Frisbee and the ass champ, shannon
vicki was on her way from dover to visit me and stay the nite, when sarah beth crashed into a tree.
she isn't excited that v and i are together.
they are exes.
so i was at wentworth douglas hospital in dover til 1am
got home around 2.
filled jamie in.
went to sleep.
did NOT want to wake up.
worked 10am-7pm
shannon picked me up from work
picked up sam at the dollar tree.
jes brought jamie to the ER for an inflated uterus.
visited them.
home to do laundry.

i'm so sick of the emergency room

i just want to go to sleep.
next to VICKI.
tomorrow we are supposed to go to fran's place in lynn.
she's never been.
and sunday we are gonna do something eventful.
i'm thinking, movies, air hockey, roller skating and/or bowling.

i just hope this is real.
end of story.
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Current Music:bubbly.
Time:08:57 am
i wake up to jes disassembling the shower.

i haven't showered since late sunday nite.

i didn't get much sleep.

worked 11 hours yesterday,

and gotta do it again today.

gotta work on my day off.

super tired.

i chickened out on asking vicki to be my girl.



grow balls.

i hate the holidays.

either i work alot or barely.

can i cry?

just hold me.

3 weeks of celibacy to go.

i like her.

don't want to rush.

i love the way she touches.

whoa, this is deep.

i appreciate that she drives from dover (45 mins) to see me.

i'm gonna buy a "MOTHER OF ALL RED BULLS"

i had 3 yesterday.

16.9 oz of pure wings.
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Time:05:26 pm
i like the way she hugs me.

i like the way she kisses me.

i like the way she touches me.

i like the way she makes me feel.

i just don't like the situation we're in.
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Subject:i'm bringing lj back, yup.
Time:04:59 am
Current Mood:exhaustedexhausted
november 13th, 2007.


tug of war.
who is she with, if she's with anyone?
where do i stand in her life?
is this all just a joke?
susans gone.
cait is concerened.
sam claims she's still in love with me.
i got so much love in one girl, and i've accepted that it'll never happen.
move on and not let it affect me.
yup. that's what i'm gonna attempt to do.
my eyes are like sandpaper.
my body feels like a ton of cement.
my brain is like jelly
my heart is like.... a jigsaw puzzle.
i always wonder, what's so wrong with me?
why does every relationship i've ever been in fail?
i'm 25 years old.
i need to start settling down.
maybe i need to be with someone way younger than me.
i can't keep doing this.
i am surrounded by so many wonderful people, constantly.
but when i'm alone, i just want to cry.
i want to break down.
but i just so badly want someone to hold me.
to let me cry on their shoulder and kiss me on the forehead and tell me it's gonna be ok.
i want to love
and be loved.
i want to walk into a room and just see into her eyes, how much she loves me.
i want her to daydream about me.
send me cute texts about how she's just thinking about me.
i want to feel wanted.
this is killing me inside.
but i'll never admit it
i want to cry.
i want sleep.
i need sleep.
been up for over 21 hours straight
if i cry, i'll be in a pool of tears.
i'll drowned.
this chair is so uncomfortable.
i drink myself into obliviation.
sobriety isn't an option.
drink the pain.
and piss it away.
emo is the way to go.
every time i want to cry, i laugh instead.
"will U count me in?"
the rain is cold.
makes me sad.
i love rain,
i hate cold.
why does it feel like no one understands me.
am i not understandable?
if they don't get me now, they never will.
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Time:11:08 am
Current Mood:EMO.
i can't believe that i'm doing a post.
it's been a very long time.
i got alot of things going thru my head rite now.
susan and i broke up.
ripped me up.
i'm shattered.
it wouldn't be that bad,
if she wasn't with my "bestfriend".
i'm not as mad as i used to be.
i'm still mad.
i'm finally starting to accept it.
it's crazy how much i loved her.
and for her to not care, after a year just kills me.
this summer has flewn by.
not in a good way either.
i wish i could just lay in her arms,
and for her to tell me everything will be ok.
i've only been thru this kind of pain once before.
with caitlin.
i never thought i would let my guard down,
only to be demolished again.
we even got matching tattoos.
we were planning our lives together.
or atleast i was.
i still don't understand what i did so wrong.
or was it an excuse to be with someone else.
how could u walk away from someone
so easily after a year?
when did she fall out of love with me?
when did she start to hate me?
it's still hard to comprehend.
it's still hard to accept.
i'm waiting for the day for her to,
run up to me and tell me she still loves me.
but until that day comes,
i'll hold my breath.
maybe i'll die.
the pain will go away.
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Subject:hey susan,
Time:10:36 am
i said i'd do a post for ya, here it is ;-)

have a good day.

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Subject:so sad.....
Time:01:04 pm
my lj account is dead. i won't update anymore, *unless i'm REALLY bored* if u want to keep in touch with me, and see pics and what's going on check out my myspace account.


Later Haters,

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Time:12:12 pm
i really want to post and do a long entry, but i honestly have nothing to say. i am sad to admit that i think my lj phase is gonna die very soon.
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Subject:here we go again!
Time:10:21 pm
what's wrong with this comment?

2005-12-09 01:48 am UTC (from (link) Select
thats not the rite order the song gos in & its not rite sorri but true !

corrections are below:


must we go throught this again?

plus, i was so drunk when i did this. as a matter of fact, i had to cut and paste it!

WHAT NOW.................BITCH!!!!!!!!!! the exclamation points go right after the last letter, there is no space!
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[icon] I am an AssholE when i'm SobeR
View:Recent Entries.
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries